I just couldn’t resist the obvious clickbait title. As you know, about two weeks ago, I got my car back into good shape and extinguished a few warning lights that had been illuminated all summer. This week, I decided to finally get to the bottom of a problem that had vexed me since I first got the car two years ago.
Here’s the build sheet for my car:
This lists the equipment the car rolled out of the factory with. I retrofitted the satellite radio shortly after getting the car, which doesn’t show up here. Of interest to me is the line labeled S322, comfort access. With this option (which I think was actually standard equipment for 2008+ cars), you leave the car key in your pocket and unlock it by grabbing the door handle. To lock, you touch the area near the keyhole. To start the car, you just depress the clutch and hit the start button like every modern car. This was pretty high tech for 2008, let alone 2004 when the car launched with comfort access as an option. The comfort access never worked on my car for some reason, so like a Neanderthal, I had to press the buttons on the remote to lock and unlock, and slide the remote into its slot to start the car. My friend with more BMW experience than me had me convinced that my car didn’t actually have comfort access.
On a whim, I decided to explore the issue in more detail earlier this week. I was able to determine that my car definitely has comfort access thanks to a forum post that shows the differences between cars with and without the system. The only real external difference is the key. On cars with comfort access, the key has an extra door on the back for a battery. My key has that, and in the past I’ve actually changed the battery. Now that I knew I had comfort access, I had to get it working.
Other forum posts described a series of voodoo button presses that didn’t work for me. One poster mentioned that while the E60 5 series can have up to 10 keys programmed to it, only two of them can be used for comfort access. I only have one key, but that didn’t mean more weren’t programmed to the car. I fired up my laptop with ISTA on it and read out the key information. It reported that 10 keys were programmed to the car. I deactivated every key except mine, and that did the trick.
I now have comfort access working on my car after somehow getting by without it for two years. It honestly feels like my car is 10 years newer. I’ve been looking for excuses to drive it around so I can feel more modern.
Earlier this summer, and in fact starting in the late spring, a bunch of warning lights popped up on my car out of nowhere. A quick scan with my bootleg copy of Rheingold ISTA showed me there was poor/erroneous signal coming from the right rear wheel speed sensor. I couldn’t clear the code, which led me to believe there was probably an open circuit somewhere, even though no trouble codes from the car explicitly said that.
I started by swapping the rear wheel speed sensors from left to right and vice versa, hoping that the problem would be a cheap and easy to fix sensor. Unfortunately, that was not the case. I wanted to check the tone ring for the sensor next, despite it being unlikely that a damaged tone ring would cause an unclearable code.
On this car, a 2008 BMW 535xi, the tone ring is built into the wheel bearing, and you can’t see it without taking the axle out of the bearing. I knew it would be some work to get everything apart enough to look at the tone ring, so I figured for $50 or so, I might as well replace the bearing while I was there. I watched a couple videos on removing the bearing from the car, but I think all of the featured cars were automatics, and mine is manual (fairly rare in an E60). You would think that wouldn’t have anything to do with the rear axle and wheel bearing. You’d be wrong. On the manual cars, the axle is an extremely tight fit into the hub of the bearing. Every other car I’ve worked on, the fit has been tight, but loose enough to push the axle in and out by hand if it’s new and lubed up. On the manual E60s, it’s so tight I had to buy a puller to rip the bearing out of the spindle. There’s probably a special tool to install the axle, but I don’t have one, so I slammed it into the concrete floor of my driveway a few times. This whole thing turned into a multi-week saga because of the weather, waiting for parts multiple times and my constantly fluctuating levels of motivation. My car was on jack stands in the driveway for about three weeks. And at the end of it, I didn’t fix anything. The lights were still on. If I knew how huge a pain this job would be I wouldn’t have done it. On the other hand, now that I’ve done it once, I could do it much quicker in the future.
Next, I decided I wasn’t interested in fixing the car myself. I tried a used ABS module because it was cheap and quick. This didn’t fix anything either. I knew there was likely an open circuit between the right rear wheel speed sensor and the ABS module, but I thought that I didn’t have the right tool to probe the tiny pins on the electrical connectors, and I didn’t want to run new wires down the length of the car. The shop I took the car to seemed more interested in fixing minor or nonexistent problems than diagnosing and repairing the ABS problem. So that was $100 and change down the drain.
I finally got around to diagnosing the problem myself with some help from some male to male jumper wires for hobby electronics. It turned out they’re just the right size to fit into the tiny pins on the electrical connectors. I quickly discovered an open circuit on one of the wires going from the sensor to the ABS module. Yesterday, I finally got around to replacing the wire, and it fixed my problem. At first, on the ABS light was extinguished, but after quickly calibrating the yaw rate sensor, they all disappeared. I took the car for a test drive, and everything seems normal now. The next step is to get a fresh inspection sticker for the car, and then hopefully I’m done with fixing it for a while. I do want to do an all wheel drive service, which I have the fluids for, but I really need a lift for it. I’ll have to see if my friend with the shop could lend me some lift time for it.
My car still isn’t fixed unfortunately. I got the correct axle for it and installed it without too much trouble. It’s driveable now at least, but the ABS, stability control and brake warning lights remain on. I tried recalibrating some settings with ISTA on my laptop without success. The only thing I’ve managed to do is make the turn signals stop self canceling. The steering angle sensor now does not work. I find it unlikely that it’s dirty (a common problem on E60 and E90 BMWs) because the warning lights started out of the blue one day. Typically, a dirty sensor causes the lights to come on occasionally and the lights can be cleared. I’m starting to suspect the SZL, or steering column module, is faulty. It’s a little too expensive for me to take a shot at just popping a used one on for a test though. Tomorrow, I’m bringing the car to a local independent shop to see what they can tell me. I’m hoping it doesn’t take too much work, and thus time and money, to ferret out the problem.
On the brighter side, I bought a random-orbit polisher and polished and waxed the car this weekend. It looks ridiculously shiny. I’m very happy with the result, even though the car is silver, which doesn’t show the shine as well as a darker color. I’ll definitely keep up on the waxing because it looks so good. Tomorrow I’m going to clean out the interior so the mechanics don’t think I’m a total slob.
In the past, my parents haven’t really done car shopping. They buy a 4-ish year old car and keep it until it dies, which is fine. The problem comes when the car dies. They scramble to buy a car as soon as possible, and they’re stuck with whatever is on local dealer lots that week. My dad pays for the cars and he has refused to get an automatic since forever. This further limits the potential purchases.
It’s about time for my mom to get a car. She has a 2007 Saab 9-5 wagon, with the very rare manual transmission. It’s an alright car, but it has close to 180,000 miles and it’s getting creaky. Last summer, I had to replace the rusted power steering lines, which was an enormous job. Not long after, I tried to replace the rear shocks. When I tried to undo the bolts securing them to the car body, one bolt broke, and the welded nut for another started spinning. I decided to not risk going any further. The car gets from A to B and is reliable, but it’s getting old. Not to mention, it’s a Saab, so while parts availability isn’t totally awful right now, no one knows when the parts will dry up.
Because cars are my life, I decided we should go car shopping. Even if they wanted to wait until a car drops dead, at least they’d have the test driving part of the process done, and maybe they could take some extra time to shop around for a good price on a car they actually want.
I put together a list of cars to look for. My mom’s one must-have feature is a heated steering wheel. It’s actually not a rare item these days, but it’s often locked away in a high trim level or options package. She wants something comfortable and soft, so I decided we should look at larger sedans. She’s open to an SUV type thing, but I haven’t found any that fit the price range. My dad finally OK’d an automatic transmission this time, so that opens up a ton of options.
So here’s what we looked at:
Lincoln MKZ
The first thing we drove was a 2017 Lincoln MKZ. Actually, we drove two of them; one four-cylinder and one six-cylinder, both in the Reserve trim. It’s a pretty nice car. Just look at it. It looks great. The leather was much better quality than I was expecting, as were the rest of the interior materials. Most reviews seem to deride it as a tarted-up Ford Fusion. Yes, it’s on the Fusion platform, but it’s a very different car inside and out. Thanks to the Fusion platform, it’s a decent size car on the outside, but kind of tight inside. The center console in the front is huge, and head room in the back seat is in short supply. The standard 2-liter turbo four-cylinder engine is adequately powerful, but kind of coarse like most four-cylinders. The optional 3-liter twin-turbo V6 however, is a lot of engine. It puts out 400 horsepower and 400 ft-lbs of torque. It’s probably too much engine for the car, but it’s more fun than you’d expect from a Lincoln. Prices are excellent too. A Reserve trim four-cylinder with 20,000 to 30,000 miles can be had for not much more than $20,000 and a V6 for maybe $25,000.
BMW 5 Series
Next up was a 2016 BMW 535i xDrive. My mom and I were both thoroughly whelmed by the car. It was fine. It’s a good car, but not really all that interesting, which I guess is the point of a big German car. It was exactly what we expected.
Subaru Outback
After that, we checked out a 2017 Subaru Outback 3.6R, in the Limited trim. It was actually really good. I can see why they sell as many as they make, if not more. It was quiet and comfortable and well laid out inside. The trunk is huge, of course. The back seat is decently sized. My mom wasn’t expecting to like it as much as she did. Our one hang-up on the car is the CVT transmission. Subaru has been using them for a while and they don’t seem to have a bad reputation, but I still don’t feel totally confident in them. I’d feel a lot better with a regular automatic. The six-cylinder engine in this car is neat because it’s a boxer layout, but it just wheezes out 256 horsepower. Toyota gets 300 with 100cc less displacement. It’s still better than the four-cylinder that wheezes out a paltry 175 horsepower. I don’t know how Subaru gets so little power out of so much engine.
Cadillac CTS
Later that day we checked out a 2016 (I think) Cadillac CTS. I could only find a four-cylinder model nearby, but it turned out not to matter. Neither of us really liked it. The engine was unrefined for the class of car, but it felt more powerful than I expected. The shifter was positioned oddly. The fit and finish of the materials in the car wasn’t great; several adjacent seams in the dashboard stitching didn’t line up correctly. Not what you want to see in a car that originally cost close to $60,000. But worst of all were the center stack controls. They’re all capacitive touch buttons, and they’re mounted on a springy board. It’s difficult to use and doesn’t feel very nice. We crossed this car off the list before the test drive was over.
Genesis G80
Remember the Hyundai Genesis? Yeah, no one else does either. It grew up into its own brand. And just look at it. This is one of maybe a dozen or so cars I’d buy just to look at. I think it’s a styling masterpiece. It’s bold enough to stand out right now, but conservative enough that it’ll still look good in 20 years. Plus, it’s rare. Like, really rare. They sold under 20,000 G80s in the US for 2017, and under 10,000 the next year. I was surprised to see one close to home, and it was a V8 no less. That car was great to drive. The inside looks just as good as the outside. It has the best cooled seats I’ve ever used. They get cold, but make hardly any noise. The V8 engine is perfect for the car. It’s effortless, and makes a great noise, one you might not expect from this kind of car. The only drawback is the price. The one we looked at was being advertised for$36,000. There’s also a V6 model, which we drove the other day. It’s 85% as good as the V8. Other than the engine, the V6 we drove was identically equipped to the V8. The V8 is certainly better, but probably not $10,000 better.
For now, the G80 is at the top of the list, followed by the MKZ, then the F10 BMW 5-series and the Subaru Outback. I’m going to try to get my dad to drive the G80 later this week to see if I can convince him that it’s worth a little more money over the MKZ.
